the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
