I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
