That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
