Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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