I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
