why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
