hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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