Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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