He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize