You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
