You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
home. puking in laundry basket.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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