so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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