Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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