grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
