apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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