so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
