I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
soo... how was my night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
