dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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