three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
