Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
