Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
