my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
