I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
