the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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