last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
