This is not my ceiling
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
