We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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