My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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