At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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