why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
