i may or may not be watching the land before time
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
