He kissed a someone with a penis
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
