Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
