a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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