Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
