We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
