She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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