dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize