I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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