I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize