Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
