who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
