So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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