We won't sleep together?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
