just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
