I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
