i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
