I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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