Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
