24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize