There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
