I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
