You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
