hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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