tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
