just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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