Pappa wants mamma naked
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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