my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
