Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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