We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i came on her dog
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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