Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize