Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize