Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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