I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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