i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
