I'm eating all of the evidence.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
