Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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