You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
