Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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