Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
