Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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