you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
